A Most Traumatic Day

This past Sunday Roger and I put Ari in the church nursery for the first time ever while we attended church service.  And let me preface this by saying that was the first time Ari has been without us anywhere except in our own home.  Up until Sunday he had only been left alone with one of his grandmas or his babysitter Caitlin, and that has always been at our house.  And only one day a week at the very most since April  Yes, we take adoption attachment very seriously, and it is so worth it because it seems to be working well.  For all you soon-to-be adoptive parents other there, YOU CANNOT TAKE ATTACHMENT TOO SERIOUSLY!!  It is so important.  You may be exhausted.  You may want a  break.  But do not leave the childcare duties up to someone else.  If someone wants to help out, let them do your laundry.  If they want to bring you a meal, fine.  But other than that, do the parenting yourself.  You literally signed up to adopt.  Take it seriously.  Okay.  I'll get off my soapbox now. 

So, anyway, back to Sunday.  We dropped him off at the nursery.  I walked him into the room, sat him down, pointed out all the fun toys, and did a quick but cheerful good-bye.  No tears were shed.  At least on Ari's part.  I, on the other hand, fought tears through the first 20 minutes of church.  And not so successfully either.  Wow, that sucked!!!!!  It was really going against my comfort zone and instinct to leave him in the nursery.  But I kept telling myself, "He's been home six months.  He's a year old.  Our attachment has gone wonderfully.  It will be okay."  Well, I think it was kind of okay.  I don't think any permanent damage was done, but when we went to pick him up, I peeked in the window before he saw me to see what he was up to.  He was one of the last children picked up (even though we went straight to the nursery as soon as church was over) and he was sitting in the middle of the room by himself, watching forlornly as another mother came to the doorway to pick up her little girl.  He wasn't crying, but he definitely wasn't having the time of his life either.  I peeked my head into the room and said, "Hi, Ari!!"  He immediately stood up and made a beeline for my arms.  Once he got to me he started sniffling and then the crocodile tears came.  Apparently he had held it together until he saw us again.  That kind of broke my heart.  More than kind of.  Obviously he was stressed and worried that we had left him in an unfamiliar place with an unfamiliar caregiver because he has never had that reaction to my return home when he's been left with his babysitter or grandma.  And I know he's at that separation anxiety age, but I know my little boy, and that was hard on him.  I don't think we'll be doing the church nursery again anytime soon.  And even if it's not too soon for Ari (although I think it is), it is definitely too soon for mommy.

In other news, Ari has entered toddlerhood!!  His independence is becoming quite fierce.  Meals and sleep are a  little bit different (read: harder) than they used to be.  My baby boy who used to eat perfectly-balanced meals that I prepared for him is now sharing with us he has his own mealtime agenda.  And the sleeping that used to come so easily is now fought for at least a good 20 minutes before he gives in.  He is still what I would consider an "easy baby," but the baby part is definitely slipping away and being replaced by a little boy who has his own mind and ideas.  I am working on my patience and creativity.  Two characteristics a mommy can never have enough of, I don't think.

Check back to our blog soon to see pictures of a fun project recently completed!