I should be posting this entry tomorrow because tomorrow we hit 7 months of waiting, but I'm about to do some serious venting and I don't want to ruin our 7-month day with this nonsense. And I haven't been blogging a lot lately, so here we go.
So Roger and I had a quick little 30-minute meeting this afternoon with our agency lady/social worker/our only connection to our future child because we are just that desperate for any information we can get about where we are in the process, what's new in Ethiopia in the way of procedural changes regarding abandonment cases, court closures, etc. And let me tell you, we didn't learn much. It. is. frustrating. We didn't receive any bad news (thankfully), but we didn't receive any good news either. Or maybe the good news is that we didn't receive any bad news if you want to look on the bright side of things? Basically we didn't receive any news at all. I'm not sure what we were expecting, but something concrete would have been nice. But what I can tell you is this: Folks, it's going to be a while. Like probably 2010 a while. I could be wrong, but intuition is telling me I'm right. If Roger was here he would probably tell me to quit writing this because he hates when I'm negative and spewing all my negative energy into the universe, but I don't care. No, I am not b*tching because it's been 7 months. I know families have waited much, much longer. We have close friends who have endured more heartache then we've yet to even come close to. Referred babies die before their parents can bring them home. Yes, that does happen. Often. So, yeah, I'm fine with 7 months of waiting. Heck, we'll see 9 and 12 months before this is all over with. What I'm tired of is the unknown. The unknown of how long we have to deal with the unknown. We are getting sooooo sick and tired of not knowing anything, unable to have any real expectations. In fact, it is much safer to have no expectations than to get your hopes up and then be disappointed. I know, I know, no one said this would be easy. In fact, we were warned more than once how emotionally and mentally difficult international adoption is. And it is. It is hard. It's actually kind of like wanting to be pregnant and never getting pregnant. I never thought I would compare the two, but there. I just did. The day we get to meet and hold and love our baby seems so far away, it seems like it may never happen at all, and that feeling is all too familiar to me. And for all of you out there who say waiting to adopt is like being pregnant, you are wrong. It is not even remotely similar. It is actually so completely different that it's kind of insulting when people tell me that. But that's okay because I wouldn't expect anyone to understand that unless you've experienced firsthand what we're experiencing.
So here we are at 7 months. We will continue to blindly trust in God's plan and his timing, continue to fumble through the dark because Ethiopia is the path by which we feel called to walk. We are just really looking forward to the day when we can see the light.
9 comments:
Hey, guys. I can completely relate to everything you said. The unknown really IS the worst. I have a feeling that referrals have slowed down since May when the abandonment cases were put on hold and now that the courts are closing. I assume not many kids are going home and thus not many spots are open for new ones. Kinda sad for the kids in a lot of ways and frustrating for parents.
There's not much I can say to help as we're kinda in the same boat even though we've gotten our referral, we had one baby die and are still waiting for a court date on our new baby with no idea when we'll get one.
I guess we just have to sit it out? Maybe just take comfort in the fact that we're sitting there in the dark right next to you...
This probably didn't help. We'll have to talk on the 31st.
I'm sorry. I know you are frustrated and anxious. I know you are tired of watching everyone else dance while you're still waiting for the party to begin. Adoption is definitely not for the faint of heart. The waiting is awful. We are all praying for you. I can't imagine what you're going through. Hugs!
I am soory about the frustration. Waiting in the dark is never a fun thing to do. When we were waiting in the dark, I would write a letter or note to my child, whoever they were going to be, and wrote about my day and how I prayed from them and how i thought about them and dream about them. This just helped me vent and journal the journey.
See you the 31st
- Katy Shatto
Diesel's mama
I am so sorry that today was such a hard day. I can't say anything else that will help b/c I know what it's like to feel so out of control. Nothing I can say will make it better. I'm so sorry.
(I think you need to vent when you feel this way. Despite what the boys say, I think it helps, even if you delete it later. Ed and Roger sound painfully similar.)
Ugg. There's nothing good about all this. You are right. Totally different than pregnancy. Though I've never had a full-term pregnancy, I know most pregnant women are EXCITED, even when they're dealing with morning sickness. Because they KNOW there's a baby growing inside them. They KNOW approximately when he/she will arrive. With adoption, there are so many times you DON'T KNOW anything about the status of your baby-to-be. It's just plain awful.
Vent away. That does help. Like Katy, I did write to our baby-to-be. I kept a box of little notes and when Zeke gets older, I will enjoy reading them to him to show how he was in my heart and on my mind, even before I knew who he was!
We were in the same boat...waiting longer than expected for a referral...then waiting WAY LONGER than expected to bring home our sweet baby. And it's awful because people think you should be happy and full of anticipation but it's very hard to stay positive when you endure month after month of disappointment.
BUT...
There is light at the end of the tunnel. You will get your baby. And as crazy as it sounds, there's a reason YOUR baby, that one special child who is MEANT JUST FOR YOU, isn't in the right place yet to be matched to you. I remember thinking that all the waiting was OK if it meant we got OUR ZEKE because he was so clearly made for our family. Hold on to hope. It's hard. And the crappy parts of this journey are really crappy. Praying for you guys...
*hugs*
Missy
Abby, You are so allowed to vent! There is no preparation for the LIMBO rollercoaster of international adoption. The waiting/hoping/getting hopes dashed/wanting answers/not having any concrete dates is UNBEARABLE. For us the not knowing and the wait just growing and growing and growing was the hardest part.
If you had told me when we logged into China that it would have be three YEARS and two months before we went to get our daughter, I would have said NO WAY would we make it that long. It was not easy and there were many tears of pain and frustration along the way. There were times I wanted to throw in the towel.
I feel your pain, and my prayer for you is peace as you endure the wait. It will all be worth it, but I know there are times it just seems like some kind of cruel joke.
Hang in there! Vent anytime!
Adrienne in Texas (still loving your shirt)
ourjacquelinemei@blogspot.com
Sorry. I know it is frustrating. You know that I know! I am praying! I won't say any of my "feel good pep talk" thoughts b/c you don't want those now--believe me, I know you don't want those often. We miss you guys!
At a time when you can DO NOTHING else, vent, Abby. Don't feel bad. While I haven't been through anything even similar what you're going through, I know that there is only one way through this. Pray, pray, pray for peace and patience . . . and do it with Roger. You're not meant to battle alone.
Miss you and love tons!
Sara
DEFINITELY does not compare with pregnancy. I've done both and waiting for Biruk was MUCH harder. And I so remember the days of heartache and thinking I was never going to get to meet him. It's hard Abby. You guys are doing really good with the wait and unfortunately sometimes we have to endure the painful days. It's late and I'm not sure I'm making any sense but I just wanted to send ya an E-hug! Good luck hanging in there. I know it's tough when you are dealing with the unknowns. Email if you need to get more off your chest!
You guys are doing great!!
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