After my post from yesterday, I thought I should maybe try this again. You'll have to forgive me -- I am a work in process, still learning how to handle and manage all of my "adoption" emotions. As they say, patience is a virtue.
I am not mad at our agency, per se. I know they are doing the very best they can with the resources they have. But, due to my control freak nature and desire to know all there is to know (yes, I have always been this way), it is difficult to endure this process with no real explanation. BUT, I have finally come to the conclusion I don't need an explanation. Because even if we had an explanation, it wouldn't change anything that's currently happening with our case in Ethiopia. So for now I am working on letting go. Learning how to live gracefully under pressure. The highs in the adoption process are so very high and the lows so incredibly low. I think there is a learning curve to managing it all, realizing that you will experience both ends of the spectrum before the day arrives when you meet your child. We do believe Ari will eventually come home, but we are working on letting go of our expectations. They do us no good. When it is meant to happen it will happen. Maybe that's Thursday. Maybe that's in six months. Maybe that's in two years. Until then we are doing the best we can to reflect international adoption in a good light, to enjoy today and not yearn for tomorrow. So I apologize when the difficult aspect of this adoption comes through my words. It just means we are experiencing some lows.
As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
Isaiah 56:9-11
6 comments:
Hey, Abby. What great words you wrote. I think what you said needs to apply to each of us every day in our life. Not longing for tomorrow but being hopeful and thankful for just this day that we have. We are to rejoice in "this" day and be glad. You showed great strength through your words. I am thinking of you always. Hope for the best. Just think, this reward God will soon be giving you will be so unexplainable when you get him in your arms; and our eternal reward is even greater. With those thoughts and words, we have much much to be thankful for.
.........and virtue is it's own reward.
Well said!!
You are in our thoughts and prayers tonight. Hoping that 3 is a charm!
Love,
Laura, Jason, Isaac, and Tenaye
You said it best with the "the highs are very high and the lows are very low". Hang in there, you don't give yourself enought credit. You guys are doing so wonderful!!
You guys don't ever have to apologize for being honest with your emotions - especially to the international adoption community. We totally get it.
You have the right approach to try to be graceful under this incredible and constantly changing pressure. Easier said than done, I know.
I struggled so much with the delays and what seemed to be a lack of a concrete plan (and backup plan and alternate backup plan:-) with our agency. This is such an emotional rollercoaster, and I always wanted to say, "You guys have been doing this for decades! You should be anticipating this.We are rookies!"
Alas, it all worked out well. But there were many, many days when I thought we would never get our girl home.
Keep the faith. Know that so many people are praying for you and will rejoice for you when sweet Ari comes HOME!!
Hugs from Texas, Adrienne
Bless your hearts (all three of you!)...so sorry for this latest delay. It's ok to be upset, angry, and sad. I think I was in a haze of depression the month before we finally got approval and could go get Zeke. I walked around like a zombie. You're perfectly entitled to feel how you feel...know that we are praying for you guys through it all!
Missy
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