Friday, March 13, 2009

Some Clarification and Thoughts

Now 2 1/2 months into our adoption process, most everyone we know has heard and understands we are adopting from Ethiopia, but we frequently get lots and lots of questions asking how much longer we have to wait, what happens next, why do you have to wait so long after your referral, what does "referral" even mean, etc., etc. Since we love to talk about our adoption, we are more than happy to try and answer everyone's questions and inquiries because I take that to mean people are excited and anxious for us and are thinking about us and, hopefully, saying a few prayers for us too. So I thought I'd just do a little post to help explain where we are in the process and what we know right now.

1. We still have a lot longer to wait. There are days it feels like we've been waiting forever already, but then I realize I've technically been waiting THREE YEARS now to become a mom, not just the 2 1/2 months since our paperwork has been received in Ethiopia, so no wonder I feel at times there is no end to this process. I have been saying lots and lots of prayers asking God to grant me continued patience and strength with this entire adoption process; it is going to get harder. With that being said, Roger and I feel this summer or early fall is the EARLIEST we could receive a referral. We were told by our agency at the beginning to expect a 6- to 9-month wait for a referral, so that is what we are expecting. Could it happen sooner? Of course. Anything is possible. Is it likely to happen sooner than that? Unfortunately not. Could it happen even later than that? Like in 2010? Yes, it could take that long. But we are hoping and praying we will be matched with a baby in 2009.

2. Why do you have to wait so long if there's so many kids and babies in Ethiopia without parents? This is probably the most frustrating part of this whole process, but there's good reason. First of all, Ethiopia has become a very popular place in the world of international adoptions. There are lots of other countries right now whose programs have closed indefinitely (like Guatemala, Vietnam) and there are other programs who currently have a wait time of 3-5 years (like China). So, to an extent, adopting from Ethiopia has become a matter of, "Get in line, people." Second of all, Ethiopia's government has become more stringent in what they expect and need from the adoption agencies and orphanages in regards to paperwork. And paperwork takes time. But this really is a good thing, even though it is cumbersome. It is to ensure everything is on the up and up. It is a very good thing. The worst thing that could happen to us is for Ethiopia to shut down their international adoption program altogether due to suspected illegal adoption going-ons before we are able to adopt. That would be heartbreaking for us and we are tired of having our hearts broken. So we will patiently wait (our turn for a referral) and we will patiently wait (while the necessary paperwork is collected and in order). We will patiently wait.

3. What does "referral" mean? A referral is when our agency (here in Springfield) contacts us by phone and email letting us know we have been matched with a baby in Ethiopia. We will HOPEFULLY receive some sort of medical record and a picture of the baby at that time. That is what we are entitled to expect. We then have the opportunity to accept or deny the referral. Why in the world would we deny a referral, you ask? Well, quite honestly, we probably won't. But we do have the right and opportunity to have a physician (adoption specialist) here in the States review whatever medical record and photos we have to try and determine if there are any chronic health problems or special needs the child may have before we accept the referral. No, it is not an exact science. The medical records usually consist of gender and age and that's about it, and there's only so much you can tell from a picture, even if you're a doctor. But this is all a part of adopting internationally, and, yes, we did sign up for it.

4. Are you getting a boy or a girl? How old? We don't know if it will be a boy or a girl, but it is likely to be a boy since we did not request a girl. Apparently girls are in high demand. Don't ask me why -- I don't know. Quite frankly, we don't care what we get. Beggars can't be choosers. We would just like a baby, as in 12 months or younger. With that being said, the nursery is already decorated with a boy in mind and the clothes have been bought with a boy in mind. I cannot stop myself from preparing (aka shopping), but I have talked about this before, so enough said. If on the off chance we are matched with a baby girl, I will have no problem re-shopping for girl clothes. Seriously? Do people even think that's going to be a real inconvenience to me? It will be like Christmas morning for me if I get the opportunity to shop for baby girl clothes.

5. How long will it be after you get your referral before you travel to Ethiopia to get your baby? Well, that is an interesting question. Lately that time span has been growing longer and longer. There are a few reasons contributing to that. After you accept your referral your "case" gets scheduled to go to court. Your case must be heard and approved before your adoption is legally recognized by Ethiopia's government. Right now it's taking 2 to 3 months to get a court date. And then not all cases (like 50%) pass court the first time due to missing paperwork, etc. Then you might have to wait another 1 to 3 months for your second court date. After you pass court you can expect to travel to Ethiopia within 4 to 6 weeks. So first we have to wait for a referral (6 to 9 months), then we have to wait for a court date (2 to 3 months), and then we have to wait to travel (4 to 6 weeks). So best case scenario: we have a baby home by Christmas. Worst case scenario: we won't think about that -- there's no point.

Please pray for us and our adoption. I truly mean this. Please pray that we have favorable outcomes, like a quick referral, a healthy baby, and passing court on the first try. The smoother things go, the quicker this will happen for us. Please pray also for me and Roger, for peace and patience and acceptance of all things out of our control. This is a long wait, a lot of unknowns, and it takes a lot of perseverance and patience to go through it. And I do not mean to be whiny. I truly don't. It is a true privilege to be adopting from Ethiopia. I am greatly humbled and grateful by the way God has worked in our hearts, the ways in which He has opened our eyes and our ears to His plan, and how He has ultimately (and most importantly) brought us closer to Him through this experience. Through our infertility over the past couple of years I often (like every single day) wondered why. Why us? Why me? Why won't this happen? What did I do wrong? I don't ask "why" every day anymore. It's not that I have all the answers because I don't, but I do have a new found peace and joyous anticipation, and that is just as wonderful as having the answers.

1 comment:

Meredith said...

What a sweet post! We're praying for you, of course. You guys need to get a little one home so our little girl can have a playmate!! Looking forward to seeing you guys!

Ari